One of the things you learn when you become a Louisvillian, apart from how to say “Louisvillian” correctly, is that dating here is just different than the rest of the country. So in case you’re a newbie to The ‘Ville’s courtship scene, here’s what you’ll need to contend with…
You can’t relate to someone from another city, even as close as Cincinnati or Nashville.
If your date has never celebrated Derby Week as though it was the most important week in human history, or never worked at Humana, what can you possibly find to talk about? And how are they going to understand you??
Technology can only help you so much
Yes, in other, more tech-savvy cities, your iPhone can ensure future generations of your family are produced. In Louisville though, online dating will probably get you more or less nowhere, and hook-up apps won’t help much after 30. Although, at least you can Google them to find out the names of the nine bands they were in between the ages of 14 and now.
You fancy?
If you’re looking to be treated like a king or a queen, look elsewhere, because here, a “special” night can and will probably involve going to see their friends’ cover band or a night of karaoke.
“Too far away”
Let’s say you meet someone at your UPS job. You live in the Highlands and they live in Fern Creek. Or Clarksville. Well, a 10-minute drive is just too far away. Who has that kind of time when it’s easier to just hang out at the nearest bar?
U of L vs. UK
You’re either blue or red. The Civil War divided families, but rarely as deeply as this division goes. Is that a melodramatic exaggeration? Not by much.
It’s all too easy to run into everyone else
It’s a Saturday night. You go out to dinner and see your ex, your officemate, and someone you hooked up with last week. After dinner, walking to the car, you run into your date’s parents. Ugh.
Seasonal affective disorder
In winter, there may be an eight-week period when no one can go out anywhere and you find yourself spending nights binging on The X-Files on Netflix, and getting no closer to your own Mulder/Scully. In summer though, if you have access to a lake house, someone might hook up with you for access to it.
Pretty much everyone’s slept with everyone
In a city that few leave and few relocate to, the odds of you finding someone who hasn’t slept with at least one of your friends — or someone you don’t like — get slimmer every day. During a brutal winter, though, becoming an Eskimo Brother might be worse than the alternative.
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… Unless their Bible Belt won’t let them do that
This is Kentucky, and that cool, fun, sexy girl you met at the bar might be saving herself for marriage. If you’re not on the same page of that Good Book, move on.
Moving in’s not a priority
The cost of living here is so affordable that there’s really no rush to move in, or make any major changes to a very stable, very predictable life that is only as exciting as the latest college basketball game or new IPA. Relationships can move glacially slowly as a result.
They’re never going to move away
Bad breakup? Well, tough titties… if you haven’t put it together yet, that your ex is never going to pack up and take off for Chicago, Seattle or Tokyo. And if for some crazy reason they do, they’ll be back soon enough. Don’t worry, they’ll eventually get together with someone else — it’ll just probably be someone you know from work or school.
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