One of the things you learn when you become a Louisvillian, apart from how to say “Louisvillian” correctly, is that dating here is just different than the rest of the country. So in case you’re a newbie to The ‘Ville’s courtship scene, here’s what you’ll need to contend with…
You can’t relate to someone from another city, even as close as Cincinnati or Nashville
If your date has never celebrated Derby Week as though it was the most important week in human history, or never worked at Humana, what can you possibly find to talk about? And how are they going to understand you??
Technology can only help you so much
Yes, in other, more tech-savvy cities, your iPhone can ensure future generations of your family are produced. In Louisville though, online dating will probably get you more or less nowhere, and hook-up apps won’t help much after 30. Although, at least you can Google them to find out the names of the nine bands they were in between the ages of 14 and now.
You fancy?
If you’re looking to be treated like a king or a queen, look elsewhere, because here, a “special” night can and will probably involve going to see their friends’ cover band or a night of karaoke.
“Too far away”
Let’s say you meet someone at your UPS job. You live in the Highlands and they live in Fern Creek. Or Clarksville. Well, a 10-minute drive is just too far away. Who has that kind of time when it’s easier to just hang out at the nearest bar?
U of L vs. UK
You’re either blue or red. The Civil War divided families, but rarely as deeply as this division goes. Is that a melodramatic exaggeration? Not by much.
It’s all too easy to run into everyone else
It’s a Saturday night. You go out to dinner and see your ex, your office mate, and someone you hooked up with last week. After dinner, walking to the car, you run into your date’s parents. Ugh.
Seasonal effective disorder
In winter, there may be an eight-week period when no one can go out anywhere and you find yourself spending nights binging on The X-Files on Netflix, and getting no closer to your own Mulder/Scully. In summer though, if you have access to a lake house, someone might hook up with you for access to it.
Pretty much everyone’s slept with everyone
In a city that few leave and few relocate to, the odds of you finding someone who hasn’t slept with at least one of your friends — or someone you don’t like — get slimmer every day. During a brutal winter, though, becoming an Eskimo Brother might be worse than the alternative.
